Raymond Klassen – Ideals and Identities

Welcome, Foon ying, Swagaat! I especially welcome those people who have come from far away to be here today, from abroad and from places outside Edmonton.

My name is Ray Klassen, and I am so honoured that Alan and Jolly have asked me to help them celebrate their wedding today. As I have come to know them over the past years, I think I could safely say, with so many people here today, that I have come to admire each of them.

Jolly

I have known Jolly since she basically arrived in Canada, in her first days of classes at MacEwan University here in Edmonton. As her professor, I first knew her as Nandini, as she was listed on my class list. True to her nickname “Jolly”, she came into class with laughter and joy. She learned with a playful attitude that was unusual for the typically nervous students I had in front of me. I hope that playful and joyous quality infects us all here today.

When I first met Jolly, I was her professor in a class on technical communications. She sat in the front row, and laughed at most of my jokes. We did an experiment in that class to project capacity in a holistic way, including doing the math (which she despised), and predicting community impact of building a new arena in a small Canadian community. The biggest part of that lesson was to predict capacity and to understand that capacity was not merely a numerical concept. The capacity that we bring to the world is intimately connected to the values we each bring to our daily lives. Largely, these values have been molded and shaped by the ways in which we have been brought up.

Today, Jolly does this on a daily basis in her growing catering business – and not without Alan’s numerical and technical expertise. Jolly has always been focused on, and in love with, food. Alan has encouraged her toward the things that she loves. Certainly, Cantonese and Indian cuisines are a stable and various basis for the kind of fusion food that Edmontonians (and Canadians) will appreciate. But more than this, Jolly has an eye for capacity and possibility.

Alan

When I met Alan, he seemed cautious. I think I confused him a little because, while I was a professor, I didn’t take the usual status that we give to that position to be very important. I remember my first impressions of him: generous, kind, shy, curious, and …  a bit hyper. He loved to talk about a lot of different topics, and often talked about them all at the same time. He was filled with ideas about the future. One example was a vertical hydroponic garden where he thought he could grow food. Alan is full of ideas – especially ideas that incorporate technology. But Alan is also a busy person who has worked hard, and who has cared for his parents. I met him before they moved to Edmonton, and I am sure he has been even busier after they arrived. As I have come to know him more, I see his prudent, thoughtful and loving character.

Now, Alan is protective of Jolly. He mixes well with lots of different people. And he likes to laugh. I appreciate Alan for his stable and hardworking character, for his devotion to his parents, and for encouraging Jolly towards the things that she loves.

Alan and Jolly’s characters, and their union, which we celebrate here today would be nothing without the parents who have raised them and who are here today in celebration. And these unique people – Alan and Jolly, have transformed those beginnings to bring their ultimately unique values to each of us in our everyday lives. They work in energy and in food – what essential parts of our everyday lives they contribute to together!

But this is marriage in its social dimension. Marriage, of course, has a spiritual dimension. In the Christian Bible, in Ecclesiastes 4, we are told by one of the great wisdom teachers of the Western World: “A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Traditional marriage has always played an essential social role in a community. And certainly, you are making a legally binding commitment to each other.

But more than a social role, it has also fulfilled cosmic and spiritual purposes. It is a sacrament to the cosmic order that establishes well-being for those who are courageous enough not just to have a wedding, but who look on each other with the attitude of grace. Grace is the ability to enter into a relationship that says, “I will do my part, even if, for a time, you aren’t doing your part.” When both partners in a marriage make this commitment, “I will do my part, even if, for a time, you aren’t doing your part,” something spiritually profound happens – we can submit to each other in ways that liberate us from Samsara – the world of suffering. In Hindu traditions, marriage is the fulfillment of duty, and leads to prosperity, fulfills desire, and progresses each person in the marriage toward spiritual liberation. In the Buddhist tradition of Alan, the ultimate goal of marriage is not to escape relationships but to engage in them with greater wisdom and compassion, viewing the family as part of a larger, interconnected “family” of all beings. And in the Sikh tradition, marriage is a commitment to righteousness, a detachment from fear, worry, and material concerns, and is a spiritual union above all else.

“A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

This is such a unique bond that Jolly and Alan share. They are making such a unique commitment. It truly is amazing! As in every marriage, they are owning ancient traditions and making them their own. They consciously do today what takes many of us lifetimes to realize – that by making this commitment, and bringing a new community together, they have shown a power to refresh our belief in the power of love and commitment to be a blessing – even when times get tough. In this commitment, they present us with a new and expansive understanding of our capacities.

New commitments are not unusual for people who have newly immigrated to a country. The traditions of the old country are still dear to their hearts, but these traditions don’t fit neatly in their new environment. They may try to fulfill the hopes of the parents, and of the family. Often the needed recognition of each person lies in the balance of this tension between loyalties bred into their DNA, the practicalities of a new environment, and the unique characters of the bride and groom themselves.

“A chord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

In Christian traditions, the couple is woven together with God to build a lasting institution that no one can break. Today, who is the third strand in this marriage? I dare say that gathering together here as witness to Alan and Jolly’s unique commitment will bring together the essential characters of this community – energy, food, protection, possibility and capacity, fulfillments, China, India, Canada, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism and Christianity – into one union. And we together in this place, with our presence, act as the third strand in this chord. We bind you, Alan and Jolly, together for life and eternity – sharing with you the support for your own spiritual enlightenment, and toward the things that you love.

We stand witness today to a unique union, and we encourage you each towards the other. Those present to you this day, in body, mind, and spirit, wrap around you in love, and compassion, in support and in joy, so that you may be bounded together – so that you know that the real awareness in both of you is that keeping your vows is only the beginning… because, in the end, the vows will keep you.

I have already seen them keep their vows. But I know, after more than twenty years together with my spouse, that the real capacity of a fruitful and wonderful marriage is when we let our vows keep us. Jolly and Alan know this deep in their bones – and the possibility and capacity they bring to this world together are expansive.

As a community today, we offer ourselves to you as the third strand, and sealing this commitment as more than a civil and social arrangement – it is a moment where eternity enters into our everyday lives. I would like to close with the following words that my spouse shared as we thought about this moment together: “When the intention is right, and the answer is yes, the entire body of this community will feel it.” Let me assure you, we have felt it.